___liesandsins

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

why the hell am i here again? well, i dont know, so dont ask me. i told myself i was gonna mug econs when i get back home but i really cant be bothered right now.

life really sucks.

me and mum have serious communication problems. well, actually, me and my parents, sometimes even friends. i just want them to be concern about me, not in shouting or screaming, but in actions that show they do care. even a smile or "how's school?" would do it.

i want, i want, i want...

acceptance.

LiesandSins__
11:58 pm

Monday, March 19, 2007

i just feel that life is so unfair.

anyway readers, before i start, let me warn you, i'm really gonna complain a lot so if you think that you will not be able to bear with the contents, i strongly advise that you leave.

ok, so what is it that is so unfair? well, everything. this whole stupid life of ours.

maybe it's just me, but i always get this vague disaffection, this constant feeling that i'm never too happy with my life. one ought, of course, to be thankful and rest content and hence, some of you might be wondering right now what the hell is wrong with me. well, cant you guys see what's wrong? come on, admit it that you guys sometimes feel that this whole life of ours is just some sort of perpetual cycle with lack of purpose and meaning in it. maybe you may not feel it that strongly but surely you must have felt that tinge of dissatisfaction about your own pathetic lives before. yes, you just saw me using the word pathetic and when i say pathetic, it's not merely to mock at you (well, maybe a little). i think all our lifes are pathetic, even mine. a life where we go about chasing papers, getting a good job, marrying with someone whom you might only know for a short while, setting up a family, having children, sending them to schools, growing old, retiring and then rotting on cpf and then what? waiting to die of course. isnt that pathetic people? what happen to your passion? what happen to love and finding the right one? what happen to spending time with family members?? what happen to just sitting down and looking back at how fortunate you are to be able to experience life in the first place? what happen to helping the less fortunate? life is short people and do you really want to waste your time going about carrying out the perpetual cycle just because everyone else is doing it? well, the answer is yes. the truth is, we have to. i'm not blaming you guys or anything but i just feel that to be trapped in this whole rubbish of life cycle really just pisses me off. i believe that it is unfair for our life to be decided by things like education and to go about chasing papers. that is not why we are down here on Earth. but oh well, since when is life unfair? it is because that it is never fair that we tend to appreciate it more when good things happen once in a while. that is why we have ups and downs in our lifes, however most of it being filled with downs of course.

but then again people, dont mind me. i'm just stressed up. and no i'm not stressed out about just school, i'm stressed out about money. while some of you gluttons get pocket money and are feeding off your parents, me on the other hand, support myself, pay for my own books and uniform. so, besides school, i have money to worry about. and yes, i know i sound rude but just give me some other day to apologise alright. i'm too stressed up. and the thing is, i have warned you regarding this entry. having said that, i'll end my entry here. bye ppl.

i miss playing my guitar. so loud that i couldnt hear myself screaming.
i miss just getting lost with the music i make.

LiesandSins__
9:12 pm

Thursday, March 15, 2007

i'm getting such a headache these days. imagine having to wake up as early as 6 and sleeping as late as 11, maybe 12, the previous night bcos u were busy mugging and in which accounts to only 6 hours of sleep? ok maybe 6 hours is enough for some of you but for me, nah.

and econs was such a bore today. the terms and all that, i was like huh? two hours to rush through three months work? crazy. oh well, my writing is turning more and more horrendous and preposterous. someone save me before i turn into a nincompoop.

LiesandSins__
11:20 pm

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

hello!

having some free time at the moment, i have decided to try to spend it on blogging.

anyways, i realised that i need to improve the way i blog. as u can see, my blog doesnt talk about/comment/discuss on important stuffs like global issues/world affairs, the world economy or important stuffs like the target of achieving a population of 6.5 million by the Singapore Government. Neither does it talk about/express on ideas on how to bring about change in the world for certain crisis/mishaps/disasters faced in other parts of the world like hurricane Katrina, bird flu, SARS and also most certainly not on things like terrorism. instead, it is just what i feel, a whole lot of often selfish, illogical, sometimes immature, rantings of a teenager who dont appreciate life being displayed on the internet for all to see. in short, it is a catastrophe in writing. a nightmare for readers. so pardon me if i didnt or havent been doing justice to blogging. having said that, i will try my best in lightening the burden that all must bear upon reading this blog. i will improve my language first of all and discuss on things that matter.

if u guys totally believed the whole lot of crap i typed up there, i dont know what to say. haha. of course i'm serious about blogging but as ppl say, blogging can be just about anything and everyone has their own style. mine is simply letting ppl know what i went through in life and my struggles or sth like that. u get what i mean.

haha, ok, so let's see...today, had school as usual, was almost late, got angry for no apparent reason, went for lit lecture and then that's it. lit is kinda scary sometimes but that's precisely why i took it. it scares the shit out of me to think more of what i always think. ppl who take lit are thinkers, in fact they are deep thinkers who has insight and deeper understanding/appreciation of things in life. in fact anyone can do lit. it's just the need to be in touch with your own feelings, emotions and being in touch with ppl. ok, having said that, it's good night. but before that, there's this phrase from a poem that just caught my eye.

I'm a riddle of nine syllables.

haha. the sentence itself is so direct yet indirect. figure that out.

LiesandSins__
11:09 pm

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Going to my blog suddenly feels very awkward.

must be the long absence from it. hmm, anyway, i'm posted to innova jc. wow and,...yay.

ok, so as u can tell, i'm very "excited" about school. so excited that i wore home clothes on what is actually the first day of school but me being foolish, i merely thought it was just a day where we report to the school we were posted to. i was expecting for the day to be filled with tours, decide if we wanna stay, confirm our applications and get our freaking butts home. but no! instead, we were told that school ends at 4, and everyone was like in their secondary school uniform, everyone's hair is neat and tidy and i look like a so-not-jc guy with long hair covering my eyes and my ears wearing a striking red colour oversized pony t-shirt. ok so not surprisingly, almost everyone had either that sort of "of cos it's not just orientation!" or "is this guy posted to jc?" kind of look on their faces when they saw me. ok, having said that, i still thought that things were not so bad. it is my fault anyway for not wearing uniform and i cant blame them for staring at me because of my long silky hair. i mean sometimes even i cant stop admiring myself in the mirror. hahah! but then, there's this lecturer whose fashion taste goes back to the 70s or sth that she told me to tuck in my pony home t-shirt. yes, seriously, so i was like, huh? who tucks in a t-shirt into levis jeans? so, i ignored her and she shouted at me. but i didnt care. i'm not being rude, she was. she's not even my teacher yet and she shouts at me?
ok so bla bla bla...yada yada yada...we had stupid lame talks and childish immature cheers and by ten o' clock, we left school and ate at ljs. wanted to go back to the school but the ppl there seems too goodygoody and boring and lame and childish and what have you that i didnt have the mood to.

ok so second day was a bit better. shall not elaborate. it was only a bit better.

on the third day, i was almost late for school. the gate was going to be closed soon and me wearing ijc uniform,(most of the other 2nd intake students wore sec sch uniform), got scolded about my hair by this lecturer/teacher at the gate who thinks i'm jc2. seriously, i think the lecturers there are kinda rude. so what if u have degrees, honours, masters, p.h.d? i mean at least the discipline masters in secondary school give us chances and they dont really scold us. they will tell us nicely that our hair might be too long and give us warnings first. then we have one week or so to do sth about it. what i mean is so what if u have high education but u dont have a high sense of morality, respect, courtesy for ppl? it doesnt mean being students, we are the only ones who must respect them and that they can shout at us for merely tiny little things, like hair. and it doesnt mean having long hair for guys means that we are irresponible and lack discipline. what does your hair have to do with your moral values?

ok, so enough about arrogant teachers. i mean it's only two years that i must endure them anyway.

today, found out i was posted to 0743A. will have some ex-classmates from dunearn who will be in the same class as me, yet again. haha. oh well, at least i will have friends. hmm, so generally, today i mainly spent my time going for lectures and eating in school for the first time and studying economics in the library alone. yeah, jc is boring but what to do? i just wanna mug hard, get my two years and a-lvls over and done with. 2 years is not long...with busy schedules time will quickly pass. ok so i think enough is being said for today. i need to do my mugging alr. btw, before i go, u are currently reading what might be the last entry from me as i dont know how busy jc life will be. yeah, so bye ppl.

LiesandSins__
7:11 pm